Derrick

After a hot bath and pocket, I feel that I am now privy to disguss such tramatizing and heart wrenching issues as Derrick. Uhh, just thinking about him makes me a little upset. You see, our relationship could only really be discribed as temultuous. But I think it would be best if we were to just start at the begining, as it is a very good place to begin. Derrick and I have gone to the same high school since we were freshman; we were even in Marching Band together and had a few classes together from time to time. Despite this, our pathes never really crossed (that is we never really spoke) until the being of last year. We had math and apush together and band (but we never saw eachother then.) Ahh, yes, those were some very awkward 'does he like me?' 'I like you, do you like me?' moments, we talked more during class and would talk in the hallway.

We spent time together on the band trips and I thought that this was shiaping up to be a very nice little relationship that we had, despite out lack of ever seeing eachother outside of school and band, I assumed that would come with the developement of our relationship. But, as the year went on, we spent less and less time together and talked less. It was sad, but it felt only right when we began to grow apart. A few months passed and magically in April he left a comment on my Facebook and we spent time together in school and all was well. I thought "Hmm, maybe there is hope for us yet." We went on a few group dates, the milestone that I thought had pushed us beyond that "kinda sorta like eachother" to the "friend with benifits" stage in our relationship.

Then, just as school was about to end, I sent him a Facebook comment that, in hindsite seems a little odd, but I think that his response was worse. I sent him this inbox message professing my love for him, creepy, yes. Do I regret it? Not really, if he wasn't ready to hear it, we aren't good for eachother. So anyway, I rambled on about how I liked him and what I thought we should do about our relationship; that is go from good friends to boyfriend and girlfriend. Now, he acted really wierd about this, he would comment to me about other stuff, and we still talked at school and on the phone, but he wasn't responding to me on this message. This went on for about a week and I was thinking about asking him, but thought that would be too wierd. So then, about a week later he writes back that he thinks we should just be friends.

Ouch. I, understandably I think, get pretty ticked off about this. Systematically I begin to delete him from my life by taking him from my top friends, deleting him from my cell phone; then I wrote this really awful thing in his honesty box, something to the effect of: i hate you and never wanted to see you again. Harsh, I know, but what can I say? He deserved it.

Then about 4 weeks ago, he tried to message me again on Facebook. He sent me this message saying that he was sorry and that he wanted to hang out and said he had made a mistake about "us." I was thrilled and suprised. We did things together and he helped me plan for this trip I had to go on and we talked on the phone, it was a grand old time. I let him back into my life and it was great, I loved every second that we spent together and he always made me laugh and I was really looking forward to the time we would spend together in band I was making plans like prom with him.

I know what your thinking "Their back together and everything ends up good right?" Well, here comes this final twist to the plot. I went on this trip to Indianna, for this leadership conference and he was great and he helped me be not so worried about flying alone and everything and he was great. We talked on the phone when I was there and I was really thinking about how great he was. But, the night that I got home, I checked my Facebook and his (always did so I could comment back and say 'hi' or something) and he had changed his relationship status to "in a relationship." And here I was thinking "Hmm, that was a little fast, but I think that he is finally ready to commet to us, yes finally." I was happy and a little confused as to why it didn't say "in a relationship with Rachel Lehmann," rather he had left it blank. So, teising him almost, I sent this message to him saying "I see you status has changed...whose the lucky girl," fully expecting the answer to be "you." Rather he comments back "Julie."

Then he's like "yeah, she cool, we should all hang out together sometime." And I said back "Wow, I thought that we were getting kinda close and I'm just a little shocked that you suddenly have a girlfriend." And he's like "Yeah, we've gotten pretty close this summer" And I say "Okay, thought that we had gotten close too." And then he says "I'm, sorry. I just don't like you the way you like me. We can still be freinds, right?"

Umm, no. I just left the converstation there and we haven't spoken in 2 weeks, but he has tried to call and sent me messages and things, but I don't care. He can suck it.

God, that cut is still fresh. I can't believe how emtional that made me and still does. Why must he break my heart like this. Well, I guess it is settled, I will just become a sinster and be career obsessed, my job can be my husband...I no longer need the love of a sinifigant other, not after this heart break.